Am I going nuts-o!?!

Sooo am I crazy? Im having such an inner turmoil, and its killing me and Im afraid its going to kill my amazing relationship too... HELP! Im hoping writing about it will help me work it out, something has to work! So here goes. Im have major issues with having to sit at home and quit everything (due to being preggers), while my boyfriend goes out and parties hearty till all hours of the morning. Im not asking him to quit everything with me but I would love if he respected and appreciated me enough to slow down and realize that this blows for me! Ive decided to just drop it and focus on the things I can control in my life. Im going to tell him tonight these exact words: "Im done causing fights and being upset, you are free to do what ever you want guilt free. I just ask that you be respectful, and understanding of what I am going through. This is extremely hard for me. Just please keep me in mind." I guess I will try this method next. Its my last resort. If It gets to a point where I cant do it anymore, then the issue will have to be readdressed. This just sucks it makes me soo sad, I'm sick of being sad, and feeling let down all the time. How long can a girl feel like this.... ugh, is it even justified tho, ya know. I'm I just unreasonably resenting him? I wish my head would just figure it all out so I could get some sleep! I'm exhausted!

Ta Da.... Im Pregnant

Yep you read it right, I'm preggers. Soo weird to say and even weirder to write, cause then i'm forced to look at it!

I found out exactly 14 days ago, wow seems like a long time yet also feels like yesterday. I am a little over ten weeks now, on Monday it will be 11. Its really a bizarre feeling. I think its growing on me though, literally and figuratively! I've always, my whole life, wanted to be a mom. I just thought maybe I would be more prepared or less surprised by the news. I supposed not many people are ready when they get the news, but hey you have no choice but to man up and get prepared! At first I was scared shitless, all I wanted to do was run away and make it go away. But as the days go by I get more and more excited to be a mommy. I know I'm going to be great at it! The hardest part has been the life style changes. The second I found out I quit everything fun, instantly. Sooo not easy. In hind sight I would have eased it a little bit as to not shock my body but hey, I figured crap I have partied so hard the last eight weeks and had no idea I was pregnant so if I just stop it all really fast right now then hey maybe it will make up for lost time! he he dumbass! The not smoking thing is the worst! Ive smoked for 11 years and now all of the sudden Im a non-smoker. Its just sooo weird! I'm totally rambling, but I forgot I had a blog!! YAYAYAYA! Its the perfect avenue for a pregnant rant! ha ha. So ya my emotions are all over the damn place, and I'm tired as hell, but the worst symptom to deal with is constipation... I know ewww gross! But hey its there and its harsh! Thank the lord for small pleasures (stool softners). :)! I decided to quit reading the books for a while, I'm starting to believe everything I read and its making it to hard to live! "you cant do this, you cant eat that..." Ugh shut up and tell me what I can do come on its hard enough knowing there is a human developing in my stomach for Gods sake!! Thats the weirdest thing ever... reading that its developing fingernails n stuff! Ick! So your telling me there is something the size of a lime developing fingernails and kidneys in MY DAMN stomach! WOWSA! Yikes.... anyway I'm sure I'm going to have all kids of interesting things to share with you over the next seven months, so stay tuned!!