I cry at weddings...

Is it just me or does becoming a parent turn you in a super sap? I mean I was emotional before, but seriously this is getting ridiculous! I think a tear rolled down my cheek watching a commercial the other day. Is it cause I relate to more now? Are my hormones still raging? I don't think its just me, cause Mike (my main squeeze aka baby daddy) is the same way. Its crazy how having a kid changes your life in soooo many different ways. Its just something no one can ever prepare for, it just changes your make up. You think differently on so many levels. Its not about "what am I gonna do tonight" anymore, the picture is so much bigger now. I mean shit I cant seem to blog about anything besides being a mom, never thought that would happen. I find myself thinking about nothing else, like I need to lose some lbs, so I can play catch with my boy someday, WEIRD! How bout the getting up at 8am on Saturday morning, to do the babies laundry and make sure he has a bath before I can do my own shit. These are the many things I thought I would never catch myself saying or doing. All boiling back to crying at weddings, uncontrollably... LOL awe the joys of growing up... Did I mention I just turned 30! Thats a whole nother post! - Stay classy San Diego!

Am I going nuts-o!?!

Sooo am I crazy? Im having such an inner turmoil, and its killing me and Im afraid its going to kill my amazing relationship too... HELP! Im hoping writing about it will help me work it out, something has to work! So here goes. Im have major issues with having to sit at home and quit everything (due to being preggers), while my boyfriend goes out and parties hearty till all hours of the morning. Im not asking him to quit everything with me but I would love if he respected and appreciated me enough to slow down and realize that this blows for me! Ive decided to just drop it and focus on the things I can control in my life. Im going to tell him tonight these exact words: "Im done causing fights and being upset, you are free to do what ever you want guilt free. I just ask that you be respectful, and understanding of what I am going through. This is extremely hard for me. Just please keep me in mind." I guess I will try this method next. Its my last resort. If It gets to a point where I cant do it anymore, then the issue will have to be readdressed. This just sucks it makes me soo sad, I'm sick of being sad, and feeling let down all the time. How long can a girl feel like this.... ugh, is it even justified tho, ya know. I'm I just unreasonably resenting him? I wish my head would just figure it all out so I could get some sleep! I'm exhausted!

Ta Da.... Im Pregnant

Yep you read it right, I'm preggers. Soo weird to say and even weirder to write, cause then i'm forced to look at it!

I found out exactly 14 days ago, wow seems like a long time yet also feels like yesterday. I am a little over ten weeks now, on Monday it will be 11. Its really a bizarre feeling. I think its growing on me though, literally and figuratively! I've always, my whole life, wanted to be a mom. I just thought maybe I would be more prepared or less surprised by the news. I supposed not many people are ready when they get the news, but hey you have no choice but to man up and get prepared! At first I was scared shitless, all I wanted to do was run away and make it go away. But as the days go by I get more and more excited to be a mommy. I know I'm going to be great at it! The hardest part has been the life style changes. The second I found out I quit everything fun, instantly. Sooo not easy. In hind sight I would have eased it a little bit as to not shock my body but hey, I figured crap I have partied so hard the last eight weeks and had no idea I was pregnant so if I just stop it all really fast right now then hey maybe it will make up for lost time! he he dumbass! The not smoking thing is the worst! Ive smoked for 11 years and now all of the sudden Im a non-smoker. Its just sooo weird! I'm totally rambling, but I forgot I had a blog!! YAYAYAYA! Its the perfect avenue for a pregnant rant! ha ha. So ya my emotions are all over the damn place, and I'm tired as hell, but the worst symptom to deal with is constipation... I know ewww gross! But hey its there and its harsh! Thank the lord for small pleasures (stool softners). :)! I decided to quit reading the books for a while, I'm starting to believe everything I read and its making it to hard to live! "you cant do this, you cant eat that..." Ugh shut up and tell me what I can do come on its hard enough knowing there is a human developing in my stomach for Gods sake!! Thats the weirdest thing ever... reading that its developing fingernails n stuff! Ick! So your telling me there is something the size of a lime developing fingernails and kidneys in MY DAMN stomach! WOWSA! Yikes.... anyway I'm sure I'm going to have all kids of interesting things to share with you over the next seven months, so stay tuned!!

Catholic Guilt

I don't know where to start. I would like to start by saying I hate guilt. Its just sitting in the pit of my stomach aching. But I cant really justify it. I made a mistake, my ex and I have a group of mutual friends. It has been three months since he and I split. I am seeing one of our mutual friends now. He found out. He is irate. I feel horrible. Should I? Do I not deserve to be happy? He broke up with ME damn it. Here's the thing, we were friends (the ex and I) we had finally got to a point where we could hang out together and gatherings of these aforementioned friends. Well Saturday night there was a party, we were both there and I was plastered. It was a few hours into the party and he and I were getting along great. Somehow someway, which I cant remember why, I TOLD HIM. WTF? Why would I do that! I really don't remember what he said, I know he was pissed and told me friends were supposed to be off limits. Then he proceeded to take this guy I'm sorta seeing aside and have a 'talk' with him. I was instantly mortified. It was one of those anchorman moments when he jumps in the bear pit to save his woman "I immediately regret this decision". I cant for the life of me figure out why I decided it would be a good idea to tell him! I understand how he could be upset, truly. I have no reason to hurt him I would never want to hurt him, even though he broke my heart. I want to think that we are both adults and that I should be able to date whomever I chose. I feel badly though for making it an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved. I do feel better after writing. I just wish I could take it back, I'm not sure which part though seeing this guy all together or telling the ex. I like the guy though, I would like to see where it goes. I'm I a horrible person? Ugh

Skeezy Ex-Boyfriends

Why is it that when you and your boyfriend spit no matter the circumstances they always booty call you?

Seriously... My ex and I split a month ago. He told me he needed space, and we wanted different things, and he was not ready to be in a committed.....yank yank your 37 grow up. Anyways I digress.... Do not tell me you need space then call me a month later and say the following "So this is gonna sound really tacky but you like maybe wanna fuck?" Ummm NO! Nothing good can come from a conversation that starts with "This is gonna sound really tacky" All I could think was wow. I'm finally in a place where I feel like we can be friends, and you ask that!! Oh man it was funny. It all worked out though I told him no way in hell, and then we had a good little talk so all is well I just had to share the fact that it just never ceases to amaze me that men always still want the sex after the break up, sorry boys it just doesn't work that way, Oh unless of course the sex is amazing then something might be able to be worked out :P! Thanks Interwebs for letting me vent! Happy Thursday!

We Got It!!

Horray!! We got the dream house! What a huge relief I am soooo damn excited I dont even know what to do with myslef! Now we move on to the next stage of stress.... coming up with the money! Then it will be moving.... I cant wait for September!!! whooooooooraaaahhhhh

Really Craigslist? Really?

Im sooo over this tedious process of every morning, getting up, sitting at the computer, copying and pasting, editing and fine tuning, spell checking then sending, recording and crossing my fingers. All for not. For all the resumes I send out I must statistically get responses from 1% of them. After talking with my friend more like venting with my friend, we came to a great conclusion where I will get the best of both worlds. I am going to apply to every job posting I can on CL in the Seattle/Tacoma area, and blog about the responses I will 'hopefully' get back. Although I have to admit part of me still believes when I send my resumes, they just float around in purgatory never reaching their final destination. I figure that the more I send out, the more responses I will get, so yes this will be a lot of work but that's good on several points. 1: I stay busy! 2:Maybe just maybe I will get an interview out of the ordeal, and 3: We will all be entertained by my venting, and talking about weird responses I get. I think its a win win for all! Stay tuned!